‘As I Love You Now’

Julian J. Alexander
1 min readMar 5, 2023


All at once I find myself reaching into my derelict heart,
And throwing all the switches,
Bathing my being in light and blowing away cobwebs.
And out of the darkness emerges a boy,
With a wide smile and beautiful ideas dancing upon his tongue,
Coaxed out like a flock of songbirds by your laughter,
By your lighthouse eyes and disarming words.

And in that moment that boy and I become one,
His smile is mine, and his love is mine too,
Renewed as my heart once again begins to stir.
I look to you as you look to me,
And I remember who I am,
Who I was before I stowed that boy away,
Painted the windows shut and kept him quiet.

Holding you, my soul is laid bare,
Yours to behold without garb, cover or twisted truth.
You pull me to you, telling me that you want every fibre,
As it is, as it was, without amendment.
I wear the boy’s wide smile on my face,
As we remember ourselves,
As I remember that I love you now,
Just as he loved you then.



Julian J. Alexander

Fiction writer largely inhabiting the realm of horror and the weird.